Most of us have heard the age old proverb ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’; but are Nigerian parents prone to taking this a little too literally? Parents in the past have found themselves beating their children black and blue all in the name of discipline. Teachers have also been known to resort to sticks and slippers and whatever else is at hand to punish an erring child.
Granted, children often know just what buttons to push to drive us near mad but what lessons are we teaching them when we explode with rage and resort to violence?
Beating a child when he has done wrong illustrates the following:
1.That the wrongdoing they committed was wrong or at least you didn’t like it
2.That it is ok to resort to violence when you are angry
3.That it is ok to use violence to teach someone a lesson
4.That you cannot control your temper
5.That they should fear you
Yes, your child may never commit that particular wrong again but you have also passed on other messages that it may have not been your intention to pass on.
Instead you could try a more subtle approach:
When a child is too young to understand the consequences of their actions but old enough to be naughty, which is approximately between the ages of 7 months – 18 months, triggering discomfort might be the only way to pass across your message. At that age a mere slap on the wrist or hand will do and a firm “no”. The child will understand that what they just did brings about a negative reaction. The child may forget and do it again, but the parent should merely repeat those steps.
When the child is old enough to hold a conversation (albeit a simple one), it is important that the smack is accompanied by a chat as to why what they did was wrong and made mummy or daddy sad. The smack should be firm enough to grab the child’s attention but not hard enough to hurt.
Starting a conversation about right and wrong early helps to develop the relationship between you and your child and sets you on the right track for their teenage years (which will be your most trying time). Also, when your child is older, light smacks will no longer accomplish the task. At this point, most individuals crank up the intensity of the physical punishments; however there is another route.
Young people today link their pleasure with their phones, ipads, internet etc. Depriving them of these items when they have done wrong will accomplish more than beating them could.
That’s the Ajapa way; but do let us know if you feel differently. You can comment on the page or tweet at us @ajapang #Ajapaparenting. Or you can comment on our facebook page.
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